The United States set over 4,000 record low temperatures in 2013, while the Arctic ice cap has grown by 30% and is now larger than it was in 1990. Ironically, while accepting his Nobel “Pina Colada” Prize in 2007, Al Gore claimed the North Pole would be “ice free” in 6 years. Amazingly, he was only off by 920,000 square miles! Apparently Santa Claus burned the memo and bought another diesel Zamboni. Not only does Al suck at climatology, he exponentially sucks at data sets; aka, empirical patterns and prognostications. Science fiction theater is a recognize collegiate major, no? That’s right, kiddies, Global Cooling is really real…like a whole other “NATURAL” climatic cycle! If this is true, and it most certainly is, how long before progressives ban ice cubes and double tax all cold cuts? Keep those hockey sticks handy; slap shots are still a globally recognized cure for mental illness and “hanging chads”!