Modern day feminists are brainwashing an entire generation of women into believing they are helpless, inferior creatures who are incapable of buying birth control, coping without abortion, raising a family, using a gun for self-defense, getting married or working with men because the Sandra Fluke’s of the world are nothing more than sexual objects trapped in a meat-eating, misogynistic society. Essentially, according to the genetic scholars at Salon magazine, it has become feasibly impossible for those human beings with two “X” chromosomes to function, let alone to be responsible for their lives and bodies.
Believe it or not, the sorority sisters at Code Pink actually want the fairer sex to discover everything is potentially sexist, including the alphabet, and that anything remotely phallic – i.e., a talking hand or an innocent statue of a returning WWII soldier swooping the love of his life off her feet – is a crime against the female gender; well that and excessive clapping. Unannounced, loud hand gestures by conspiring males, those everyday expressions of approval resulting in irreversible psychological trauma, are now interpreted as unprovoked sexual aggression by contemporary feminists. Yes, I really, really wish I was joking! My God, how did we ever survive school assemblies, football games, or Knick Knack Paddy Whack? Good thing “jazz hands” are now universally acceptable. Confused? Me too.
Sorry to disappoint the transgendered bathroom engineers of progressive families but my mother raised six kids, maintained a spotless home, worked a full time job, honored God, shot a rifle and she didn’t take crap from anyone; especially mentally challenged activists who barbecued tofu. She gave her daughters a backbone, ingrained her sons with unconditional respect, and demanded all of her children to be proud, proper, independent, and most of all…to never make excuses. Thus, it baffles me how far this “selfie” generation of younger women will go to sexualize their image on social media, do almost anything to draw negative attention to themselves, only to succumb to this absurd, liberal nonsense that views all females as societal slaves who cower in the shadows of Barney, curling irons and glow sticks. Anything but! By the way, how are the sales of adult toys these days? Just ask Siri if feminist geometry causes carpal tunnel syndrome, phallic panic attacks or multiple personality disorder in bathtubs. That’s right…always blame Barry White; or Melissa Etheridge.
The real tragedy of this entire debacle is that I’m forced to go to such obnoxious extremes to illustrate how utterly ridiculous feminism has become. Feminists rarely deal with or address real injustice or discrimination on a mass scale anymore, such as unequal pay among Democratic staffers or Hillary shaming Bill’s “bimbo” rape victims, so they desperately try to compensate by inventing ways to stay relevant. If you decide not to shave your pits, refuse to wear “sexist” bras, or use soiled sanitary napkins to make a political statement, so be it. It’s disturbing and gross, overtly degrading, but still your sentient choice. Just don’t accuse me of wrongdoing, juggling corn dogs in your fragile state of yoga hypnosis, because you can no longer delineate between right and wrong, class and crass, empowerment and indecency, reality and Rasputin.
Personally, it’s not my choice or desire to decide what a woman wears – no matter how tasteless – or how she lives her life; nor does it justify anyone violating her body or her rights. In a country predicated upon free will, it’s of little consequence whether or not I approve of anyone’s lifestyle. I simply do not need to witness a naked Lena Dunham eating an entire birthday cake while sitting on the toilet, recollecting about molesting her toddler sister, to realize your straight jacket isn’t near tight enough. I’d much rather retreat to my “sexist”, conservative delusion where there are still classy, intelligent, and strong ladies who believe the best way to empower other women is to actually be one; politics be damned. Sound kosher or am I being obtuse?